It Was An Accident, I Swear!
by Unknown-Bliss
Summary: -There was a loud thud as their captain face planted onto the cold, unforgiving floor. The crewmen froze. "Oh God, I killed the captain!"- Porthos causes a bit of trouble for the captain and some unfortunate crewmen. Rated T for language.


**Shazam! Now, I'm new to Enterprise fanfiction, so I'm gonna start with something fun. I don't think I could manage dramatic at this point. I adore Archer and Porthos, and I've decided to churn out a fic with 'em (sorta). I have no idea what's out there, so excuse me for any similar ideas. This is in the point of view of two crewmen that I just created at this moment.**

**Disclaimer: I definitely do not own STENT, though I wish I owned Archer… mmmm… -(Archer fangirl)**

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"I hardly think it's fair," Crewman Macintosh groaned.

Beside him, Crewman Takahashi shook his head. "He's the captain. It's not like you can lodge a formal complaint. What would you say? 'Dear captain, I despise your beloved beagle and find it unfair that I, a lowly crewman, am not allowed to bring my full grown pet Ostrich, Oscar, on board.' That'll go over well," Takahashi chuckled.

"Oscar gets lonely," Macintosh grumbled sullenly.

"Your so-called pet could probably kill us all if set free. The captain's beagle? The worst it could do is probably eating the captain's slippers."

"Hey, the captain would be in a bad mood after that, and he'd probably take it out on us!" Macintosh interjected, already formulating a list in his head of all the ways Porthos was a danger to the ship. "The dog might pee on the engines and get Commander Tucker upset!"

"And the commander would take it out on us," the Japanese man sighed good-naturedly, humoring his friend.

"Exactly! We could make a peti-" Macintosh was cut off by a loud screech and the barking of a dog.

"Catch him, Trip!"

"Ack! He's fast!"

A look of doom crossed the crewmen's faces, and they looked at each other with dread. _Oh. God. _In a split second, both surmised that they were close to the captain's quarters, Commander Tucker was with him, Porthos had escaped, and that the dog was headed their way. Before they knew it, a blob of white and brown zoomed past, followed by their captain.

"Heads up!" Captain Archer yelled in warning.

Neither Takahashi nor Macintosh could get out of the way fast enough for the captain to pass. Time seemed to slow down as the captain tripped over Takahashi's leg. Both crewmen attempted to grab their captain before he met the floor, but were unsuccessful. In that moment, all Crewman Takahashi could think was, _There goes my career! I'm doomed! What will I tell my parents?! They'll probably disown me for harming my captain! Oh God, oh God! He'll kill me for sure! I've never even written my will! I love you mom! Oh God!_ Only one word ran through Crewman Macintosh's mind, and that was, _Shit!_

There was a loud thud as their captain face planted onto the cold, unforgiving floor. The crewmen froze. Even when Commander Tucker executed a stunning flying leap over Captain Archer with a cried confirmation that he would 'nab that little doggie,' they moved not a muscle.

Finally, Crewman Macintosh found his voice, "C-Captain Archer?"

The captain had yet to stir from his position on the floor. Takahashi nearly shrieked in horror when he noticed blood pooling under the captain's face. _Oh God, I killed the captain!_

"Ah thihnk Ah bhoke mah nobe," came Archer's stifled reply.

Takahashi nearly fainted.

Macintosh rushed to his aid. He pulled out a handkerchief and grabbed the captain's arm to help him up. Takahashi stood frozen. Archer gratefully accepted the handkerchief and held it to his profusely bleeding nose.

"I-I-I am so s-s-sorry C-C-Ca-a-a-ptai-ain! I-It was a-an accident, I s-sw-swear!" the Japanese crewman stuttered.

"It's okay, cwoomahn. Ah shood ave watched where Ah wud ghoing," Captain Archer said, smiling through the blood and pain. Takahashi was thanking every known god that their captain wasn't a Klingon.

"I got 'im, I got 'im!" Commander Tucker bellowed triumphantly, running their way again. He was holding a disgruntled Porthos above his head like a trophy. "Holy- Cap'n, what happened to your face?"

"I'm so sorry!" Crewman Takahashi apologized again, nearly to the point of bowing and kissing the captain's feet for forgiveness.

"It's not your fauht," Archer assured him. "It's yourd, Chrip!"

"Mine?! Now, Cap'n, you can't be blaming me for-" he waved his hand at the captain's face, "-that!"

"Yed, Ah cahn! You stahtled Pourthod!" Archer glared at him.

Commander Tucker grinned sheepishly. The informality between Captain Archer and Commander Tucker always unnerved the crewmen. If _they_ acted like that with their superior officers, they'd be booted off the ship for sure!

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that."

The captain stood up, gesturing for Porthos. Tucker handed the dog over. Archer then proceeded to hand the beagle over to Crewman Macintosh. Porthos enthusiastically licked the man's face.

"Cwoomehn, plead take Pourthod to my korterd." Macintosh and Takahashi nodded numbly. Macintosh even forgot his distaste for Porthos. Meanwhile, Archer put his arm around Trip's shoulders with a smirk on his face. The normally friendly gesture sent shivers down Trip's spine. "You. Me. Phlox," Archer commanded rather clearly.

As their two commanding officers walked away, Archer seemed to wobble. _Maybe he also twisted his ankle_, Takahashi though with trepidation.

As soon as the men were out of the crewmen's views, they let out a huge sigh of relief. Porthos began to squirm in Macintosh's arms.

"Let's hurry!"

Takahashi followed closely by Macintosh. So, he just tripped the captain, caused him to break his nose, and possibly hurt his ankle! At least the captain trusted them enough to drop his beloved beagle off at his quarters.

"Let's not dwell," Macintosh muttered as soon as Porthos was gone.

It was a strange sight seeing the two men half-running down the halls.

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I've just noticed… I like abusing my favorite characters… Poor, poor Archer…

**You have no idea how many red squiggly lines I've got now…**

**Reviews are awesome!**


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